--[The Old Man and the Key](https://www.dailydot.com/memes/old-man-yells-at-cloud-meme/)
##The Oblivious Curmudgeon Makes Stuff That Is Clearly Not Meant For Dipping
So why do you people call them dips?
You might be looking for:
- [The cookbook main page](/cookbook)
- [Pesach cookbook](/cookbook-pesach)
- [Rosh HaShana simanim](/simanim+5786)
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###Red onion-jalapeño jam
In a medium saucepan, heat on medium:
2 tablespoons oil
Sauté:
4 red onions, thinly sliced<br/>
4 jalapeños, cored and seeded and thinly sliced (red jalapeños work well) (you can omit this for capsaicin-phobic consumers)
Cook until translucent, 8 to 10 minutes.
Add:
1\/2 cup brown sugar<br/>
1 cup sweet white wine<br/>
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt<br/>
1\/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Bring to a boil, then simmer on low until thick and syrupy, stirring occasionally, about one hour.
Add salt and pepper to taste.
Allow to cool.
See also the red onion-silan jam in the [Rosh HaShana simanim](/simanim+5786).
----
###Tomato dip
3 Roma tomatoes<br/>
1 stalk celery<br/>
1\/2 red onion<br/>
Process in food processor until minced but not puréed.<br/>
Transfer to a small saucepan.
Add:
2 tablespoons minced garlic<br/>
2 tablespoons neutral oil (I use avocado)<br/>
2 tablespoons corn syrup<br/>
1 teaspoon salt<br/>
Red pepper flakes to taste<br/>
Dried basil to taste<br/>
1\/8 teaspoon pepper<br/>
Simmer over medium heat until most of the liquid has evaporated, 40-60 minutes.<br/>
Allow to cool
Add:
1 tablespoon balsalmic vinegar
----
###Death pesto
Purée in in food processor with steel blade:
8 ounces raw spinach, washed (ask your LOR about checking vegetables that are to be pureed)<br/>
2 jalapeño peppers, cored and seeded (or more to taste)<br/>
1\/2 cup cashews<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt<br/>
1\/4 cup nutritional yeast
Add in a stream with the mixer running at high speed:
1/4 cup neutral oil
Variations: add 4 stems cilantro or 4 cubes frozen basil. I will often use 1 cup cashews.
----
###Mango salsa
Purée in in mixer with steel blade:
1 cup frozen mango cubes, partially thawed
Dice (1/4 inch):
1\/2 red pepper<br/>
1\/2 English cucumber<br/>
1\/2 red onion
Mix in the mango and add:
1\/2 teaspoon salt<br/>
1 tablespoon orange juice<br/>
parsley, cilantro and basil, to taste (optional)
----
###Caramelized onion jam
In a medium saucepan, heat on medium:
2 tablespoons oil
Sauté:
2 onions, thinly sliced
Add
1 pinch salt
Stir continuously until translucent, then continue to cook, stirring occasionally and adjusting the heat. You want the onions golden brown, not burned. This will take about 45 minutes.
Deglaze pan with
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Add
1\/2 cup brown sugar<br/>
1\/2 cup water<br/>
1 tart apple, cut into wedges then thinly sliced, with peel<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt
Bring to a boil, then simmer on low until thick and syrupy, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes. Allow to cool.
----
###Baba Ghadib
>baba ghanoush
>
>The Arabic term for the dish means “pampered daddy,” the person in question being, legend has it, a sultan spoiled with a concoction invented by a member of his harem.
--https://www.britannica.com/topic/baba-ghanoush
Google translate tells me that "baba ghadib" is the translation of "grumpy daddy", which is the perfect name for my version.
Preheat oven to 450° F. Roast, cut side down for 25 minutes
1 whole eggplant, stickers removed, cut in half lengthwise
Allow to cool.
Scoop out flesh. Technicallly, you should press in a mesh strainer to remove as much liquid as possible, but I'm too lazy for that.
Process on high in food processor until smooth.
Add
1 tablespoon lemon juice (or less, to taste)<br/>
1 tablespoon minced garlic<br/>
2 tablespoons peanut butter powder (I am not a fan of tahini)<br/>
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (for this, use the EVOO)<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt
Process until smooth.
Add salt to taste.
----
###Quinoa Tabbouli
Mix in a small pot:
1\/2 cup dry quinoa<br/>
1 cup water
Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer for 15 minutes, until water is absorbed.
Fluff with a fork and allow to cool.
Meanwhile, mix:
1 mini-cucumber, finely diced (1\/8th inch)<br/>
2 tablespoons mint leaves, minced<br/>
1 tablespoon dried parley<br/>
1 green onion, minced<br/>
1 tablespoon lemon juice<br/>
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt
Mix with quinoa.
Mix in:
1\/4 cup dried cranberries
----
###Matbucha
Based on Tori Avey's [recipe](https://toriavey.com/matbucha/).
Mix in a 2-quart pot:
2 cans diced tomatoes (14.5 ounces each), with liquid<br/>
2 green peppers, cored and seeded, diced<br/>
3 jalapeño peppers, cored and seeded, diced<br/>
1 tablespoon minced garlic<br/>
1 tablespoon sugar<br/>
1\/2 teaspoon salt
Simmer for 1 hour, until the liquid is evaporated, stirring occasionally.
Mix in a small bowl:
1\/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil<br/>
1 tablespoon paprika
Stir into tomatoes and simmer 30 minutes.
Adust seasonings: this will likely need more salt; you may also want it sweeter.
----
###Vegan Mayonaise
From [The Healthy Foodie](https://thehealthyfoodie.com/homemade-vegan-mayonnaise/).
Pour into a tall cup or mason jar (you want something that the immersion blender will almost fill; they usually come with an appropriate container):
1\/4 cup aquafaba (the liquid from cooked or canned beans, most commonly chickpeas)<br/>
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard<br/>
1 tablespoon vinegar (try different kinds)<br/>
1\/4 teaspoon salt
Add:
1 cup neutral oil
Allow to separate (the oil should all be on the top).
Blend with immersion blender on high at the bottom, without moving it, for 20 seconds. It will turn white and creamy. Then slowly move the blender up to incorporate the rest of the oil.
Refrigerate. It will thicken further.
----
###Dill Dip
Stir together:
1\/2 cup Vegan Mayonaise<br/>
2 tablespoons dried dill
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###Olive Tapenade
Coarsely chop in food processor:
1 tablespoon slivered almonds
Add and coarsely chop (not puréed):
1 jar green olives with pimentos, drained (10 oz. dry weight)
Mix (not in food processor):
1 tablespoon lemon juice<br/>
1\/4 cup extra virgin olive oil<br/>
1 teaspoon dried parsley<br/>
1 teaspoon dried basil<br/>
1\/4 teaspoon black pepper